What Happens If Marines Capture Bin Laden

I really believe that if you have enough money in this country, American attorneys will take your case to the highest court in the land, take their sweet time about doing it, and get you off, never caring if you were guilty or innocent. If you don't believe that you havn't been reading enough Grisham books. Even if a case is solid enough for an easy conviction we all know how fickle procedural issues can be. With enough money laws can be created – just for you! We all know these things – and laughed as loud as everyone else to the strains of our favorite attorney jokes! It's just not funny anymore.

These are the kinds of things that make my friend Joe Ligotti, Ohhooo, The Guy From Boston, Baby! go ape-shit crazy on. Let's say that the marines capture Osama Bin Laden hiding out in one of his resort caves, ratted on by one of his rag head friends. If they had any sense these lucky marines would shoot him on the spot, chop up his body for buzzard food, then pretend like it never happened. The next day they announce total withdrawal of all Americans from Afghanistan and bomb Iraq to hell on the way home.

With no GITMO around to try him in a secure place he might just get prosecuted in America. Would he live to see a courtroom? Gee, would he get a fair trial? Where would he get a change of venue to, Israel, maybe? That might be interesting! I will bet you even money right now that some ambulance chaser is out there that would defend Osama Bin Laden in an American court with a plea of "not guilty."

I can see how it would unfold; They get him in front of a judge, the evidence they present against Bin Laden is overwhelming, but unecessary, he willingly admits (without being tortured by those cruel marines at GITMO) that he planned and executed the destruction of the World Trade Center, and he did it with the money he made just down the street in the American stock market! (so he could carry on his murderous acts of terroism he made sure his lackey pilots gave Wall Street a wide birth on their way to Paradise) He sits there in his turbined bearded ugliness with his best sheet on and smirks in court! Notwithstanding the sentiment of a jury of 12 angry Americans the prosecution has a pretty good shot at conviction. 

But in our courts, nothing is ever a sure thing. Let's say that Bin Laden is convicted and sentenced to death, we all start licking our chops, inventing a whole new way of executing him, slowly and painfully. However if any of this is ever allowed to unfold in an American courtroom you can forget about justice for the victims of 911. Bin Laden, as despicable as his crimes are - just might get off on a procedual issue, somewhere along the line his attorneys would prove that his rights had been violated, his conviction gets set aside and then it's up to one lone assassin (me) to get to him with a box cutter. Now that would be American justice!

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